My observations of the world and myself and how I'm working to improve both.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
What's Mine Will Be Just For Me
So much has happened. I recently became engaged. YAY me!
But I swear, you will not believe the bullshit I have gone through since that ring went on my finger. I'll sum up how I am feeling about it all. Happy - I am marrying the man of my dreams! He treats me like the princess I always told myself I was. He has been there for me and supported me since the day we decided to be together. I love him. People that know the two of us tell us how we are perfect for one another. Not because we are exactly the same, but because we are so different that we make things interesting. I like it that way. I think marrying someone exactly like myself would get boring. Instead, I'm marrying someone who is pretty opposite of me in every way. Our kids are going to be interesting little people because of this.
So here's some stuff I have been wanting to say besides the obvious, "I'm happy!" I was deluded enough to believe that people would be happy for me to be getting married. You see, I've dated some boogers in my past. My dating life has been comical, but you know that. If I wasn't the type of person to find humor in everything, well, I'd probably go to pieces. So I thought we'd all be thrilled I wasn't dating a felon/loser/mama's boy/jerk.
I'm angry. As happy as I am and as much as people seemed to have been waiting with baited breath for me to get my ring, I am angry that folks are not happy. Not indifferent, but NOT HAPPY.
I have had a scary amount of friends just drop off. The ring went on, they dropped off.
Jealousy isn't something I pin on people very easily. I think everything I have is mucho attainable to any and everyone. So why be jealous? I worked for what I have; it wasn't given to me. And even if it was, work to get yours.
Through the grapevine, I have heard mutterings about why I shouldn't be engaged and someone else should. Oh yes, people have actually parted their lips to suss out the reasons why they deserve happiness over me. I have heard things about how someone was prettier, has a law degree, was thinner, has been dating their man longer, etc. All of this, of course, is hurtful. What's mine will be just for me. My man would never date these women saying this. We aren't in competition for the same man at all.
To all that, I say: Your degrees don't keep you warm at night. I can understand wanting to ensure success, but a man was not promised to you when you got whatever degree you got that you think entitles you to love.
If you decide to be with someone for years and they don't propose, how is that my issue?!? I set a time limit on how long I'd be in a relationship without serious talk of marriage. My end goal was marriage. That's a conversation you need to have early in your relationship so you can avoid wondering about it later. If you didn't have that talk and you are stuck in a 5 year relationship and don't know what you want out of it, again, how is that my fault?
And as for chicks thinking they are prettier so they should have gotten someone before me -- not much to say about this except -- no. Just no. If you think this way, you have an ugly personality and that could be why you're alone.
Girls that I had been friends with seemingly forever snapped like tree branches. One by one. I asked myself, "Did I do something?" But if I was honest with myself, which I try to be, the answer is simply, "No." All I did was live, breathe, and ingest countless mimosas. If that's wrong, slap the cuffs on me now.
Sadly, I've lost friends. I could be depressed. Or I could look at it this way: That's less people I have to invite to my big day. Less mouths to feed. I always dreamt of being troubled about who exactly to invite to my wedding, having so many choices and limited space. Well, because people don't mind being assholes, that's one task that's been made easier for me. Thanks for that, I guess.